Get Over Your Cannabis Anxiety and Conquer Life!
Today we’ll talk about anxious cannabis users who ironically (maybe not?) have a hard time jumping into cannabis and giving it a chance to assist with their anxiety. Strange idea, I know, but I can explain using the greatest example I know for this topic…ME!!! :)
Being raised in a strict household, our actions were not only closely scrutinized, but were influenced with false ideas surrounding drugs and cannabis in particular. Cannabis was the most common “dangerous” drug that we could come across, so it just makes sense that that is the “drug” that I most often associated with illegal activities, so we all became very weary/nervous about it in general (my siblings and I). At that point, I knew that cannabis could fry your brain, and that just by being AROUND people that were smoking it meant that I could go to prison also. In all fairness, this was just sound parenting on my parents part that was influenced by the current federal laws…nothing that I can blame them for and would certainly implement with my own kids assuming that that was still the case in America today (Yay!!!…because it’s NOT….kind of….).
Cannabis wasn’t prevalent in my early life, but later in high school/college it became more available, and whenever I smelled it in my vicinity, I made sure to RUNNNNN (since I was one of the “good” kids!)!!!
…But here’s the weird thing…I didn’t have much intrigue with cocaine, Molly, X (all kind of the same thing I guess?), never with any of the “party drugs.” I could party all night as it was, and I needed no assistance with that (10 gin and tonics would typically help!). I eventually realized, however, that I had a very strange fascination with cannabis. I saw that yes, for some people it made them look dopey and dumb, and I can’t stop thinking of some white stoner-kid with long dreads, walking around sporting a Mexican poncho and reeking of crappy weed…that’s not obviously what impressed me…but it was allll the other guys! The former star athlete at school that didn’t play football anymore, but was in great shape and lit up routinely after classes and aced all bio tests. Another friend that although “was high” frequently and even during class, got straight A’s with almost no effort, was active, in good shape, social, and well liked. There were other similar celebrity stories that you can easily find online as well…THIS is what impressed me and what ultimately drew my interest in cannabis…since cannabis seemed to POSITIVELY impact all of these people.
But at the time, I knew cannabis was WRONG….right? I started to struggle with this idea, which naturally drew me to wanting to experiment more. I knew that it was illegal…but in my circles fortunately, we were not routinely probed for illegal activity, so I felt comfortable knowing that if my friends were doing it routinely with no issues, I should have no issue to believe that I would either if I tried it…so that part was settled! I didn’t care about getting caught and going to jail since fortunately for me that was not a concern (unfortunately NOT the case for everyone).
But my health!? Now there’s the risk! All of those commercials about how cannabis would destroy your brain/body got me eventually…ugh…remember this one? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rh8GbPnoqCI
PAINFUL!!!! (And also now kind of hilarious). But this is what got me…should I really risk my health? It is a “risk,” isn’t it? All these doctors who are unsure of it…always influencing away from it typically due to “lack of research” which is fine…but I’m seeing no issues with my friends now, and cannot find a single online factual story of someone dying directly from cannabis, so why should I be concerned really?
So this was the seesaw that I kept teetering on. I had growing external anxieties at this time as well. It was around 2008, and I was laid off and unemployed/underemployed for years. I became grossly overweight, was managing a serious long-distance relationship, and drank much more than anyone ever needed to (oh 20’s!!!!). Anxieties in all directions of my life were popping up all around me, and when I decided to tackle my health (crossfit) is when I finally and ironically bumped into a consistent source of black market cannabis supply, possibly one of the best things that has happened to me. Of course, that curiosity was raised before-hand while watching all of my successful pothead friends grow-up and use cannabis the RIGHT way. So here…I took the plunge!
I had no idea what I was doing, but I was determined to start figuring it out now that I had a consistent source. I was consistently practicing meditation also at this time and becoming much more mindful of my actions, so felt ready to start practicing a mindful cannabis practice as well. At this point, I felt ready to “push through the pain,” or so I thought, of pushing past the paranoia that I was certain came with cannabis, and get to the other side of that cannabis-filled utopia where all of my cannabis-friends were living!! For a few years, I certainly dabbled in the “THC-only” world…trying to figure out which strains made me happy, goofy, focused, sleepy, etc. How many puffs get me high? How many until I get paranoid? Etc.
To make a long story short, during this period of time only one of my friends (not me, yay!!!), ended up going to the emergency room for a cannabis-induced panic attack that ended with the doctors giving her sandwiches and Dasani water bottles in the waiting room, along with a few funny voicemails from her while she was there chillen 😂😂😂. Once I found NYS’s Medical Marijuana Program, implementing CBD into my regimen was a game-changer, and for all the reasons mentioned in future/past posts! :)
But for now, this jump…this leap of faith of just TRUSTING my gut…going against doctors orders, government orders, KNOWING that there’s SOMETHING on the other side that is better (along with an obsessive amount of research) is the type of faith that has lead me to new, better, and unknown experiences afterwards throughout my life. This leap of faith into the unknown was the same jump that I also took afterwards that lead to learning new instruments, getting back into philosophy, writing, yoga, meditation, and anything really that enriched my inner-self. I was willing to try new experiences that I previously was more hesitant to try due to any level of anxiety, or be in social situations that I typically would hide from, simply because I was more comfortable and confident with taking those jumps into new activities, seeing progress, and adding more wins from there.
In short, I was terrified to try cannabis, as I didn’t know what the outcome could be, but I had a strong sense of confidence that it could only be good for me in the end based on everything I actually saw with my own eyes…MY OWN EVIDENCE!!! That leap of faith was then verified, and because it was, I have been more likely to go with my gut-instincts in regards to what I feel may be right or wrong for me, not mind other’s perception of me, experience new experiences, and am noticing that I am right more and more of the time as well! Trusting cannabis allows you to trust yourself. Once this newfound confidence is found just due to simple experimentation, a lot more goodness is found from there. As you hear others typically say, this is why conscious cannabis use will “open you up” and is beneficial for the soul.
TIME TO TAKE THE PLUNGE INTO THE GOOD-LIFE!!